Smiling Picture

20 04 2012

Smiling picture look away

My heart can’t stand to see you today

You look so happy, so picturesque

A painful reminder that someday

We all enter eternal rest

Smiling picture look away

Stop mocking life with your display

Frozen still to quietly tease

Stop being there, just go away please

I don’t want to see

I refuse to reminisce

A person I will always miss

It is too soon

To fondly remember

To smile for the good

I only see cold, gray pallor

Death personified

I only taste the salt of tears we all have cried

Smiling picture disappear

You represent just what I fear

Being gone, just like that

Like I was never there at all

When in the shadow of my mortality

I find it hard to keep my gall

Smiling picture look away

My heart is too fragile to see you today

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Goodbye Uncle John

7 04 2012

My uncle John died on March 21, 2012.  I wrote this poem two days after.

Goodbye Uncle John

It hurts to say so long

All the memories are clearer now

Precious and we’ll never forget

Just how much to us you meant

Goodbye Uncle John

For a man who spoke so few

I have so many words for you

It’s not enough to say ‘”I love,”

And it’s not enough to say “I miss,”

Because it comes down to a single moment

One more hug

One  more laugh

One more meal

But even then I still would feel

A need for just once more

To see you walking through the door

Smiling gruffly just once more

Goodbye Uncle John

Husband

Father

Cousin

Friend

Someday we’ll meet again

But until then

Goodbye Uncle John

It hurts to say so long

You may not be here

But you will never be gone





Choking For Words

8 02 2012

There is a Chinese girl in my history class whom I have become friends with.  She has only lived here in the states for a few years and all things considered is quite fluent. Today we had to read aloud in class and when it got the person before her, it hit me: What would she do? Her accent is rather heavy and she is very soft-spoken.  She started to read and I cringed as the other students snickered. It was all I could do to not slam their cruel faces with my textbook. For a country that encourages immigration, we are so mean to the immigrants once they arrive.

In my recent endeavors to learn Spanish, I have realized how hard it is to learn a new language, particularly one as irregular as English.  I have a new-found respect for the bilingual.

To me it seems like choking

Air supply beneath that of mere survival

Knowing so well what you want to say

Only once translated, it’s all twisted

The words don’t properly form

A new language has turned you forlorn

You cannot fit in

When you can hardly talk

And at your oddly said words they balk

Going out of their way to make it harder

Not even realizing that you are smarter

Because they can’t hear over their own laughter

That’s what it looks like to me as I watch

Her face says she knows she can’t belong

When the language she does know is all wrong

 

 





I’m Falling

26 01 2012

My ledge crumbled

And took me with it

My hands are torn and bleeding

My heart hangs heavy with a needing

For your warm hands and arms

I am weak and I am falling

Please come help me climb

Hold out your hand and be my lifeline

I know I caused you so much pain

I can’t do anything now but shout your name

I’m so sorry, your heart was not mine to shatter

My life was bleak and then you came

I took you for granted

I was such a fool

I’m so sorry, you don’t need to forgive

Just hold out your hand and I’ll be on my way

I’m not asking you to stay

Just to save me from myself





Slippery Truth

25 01 2012

Whisper, whisper in the dark

Poison arrows hit their mark

Shredding me up inside

Soul debris in constant collide

The chance to know starts to entice

Thirst for knowledge, such a vice

That slippery gray truth it will

My soul and sanity slowly kill

Like an addicted cat I want to know

That thing that taunts my eyes to and fro

Don’t tempt me, damn curiosity

The end to this torture I cannot see

It’s pure masochism, I suppose

This desire for a truth that nobody knows





What Is Shown Versus the Hidden Unknown

17 01 2012

I hate you

I just want to talk

You killed my heart

Once upon a time you made it grow

You made a fool of me

I fell hard for you

The heart-tears you put me through

The smiles you put on my face

You cheated on me

I still want you

I hope you’re damn happy

I’m not

You don’t deserve me

I’m the only one who understands you

You’ll never hear from me again

If I call, will you answer?

It was all your fault

And mine too

You’ll never find another like me

No one makes me laugh like you

Good riddance

I weep for us

I wrote this because we so often put on that angry face and hide how we truly feel because we don’t want to be considered pathetic.

Many of my love poems have been in existence for several weeks, I have to wait to publish those because I have to get over the feelings.

Andrea Z.

 





Fake Paternal Love

16 01 2012

– This is a poem I have been needing to write for my entire life.  It’s my first step to healing the wounds my father has inflicted upon me.  You can grasp much of the situation from my verses, but I will tell you more.  My father has never provided for me.  He does not pay child support or medical bills or anything.  My brave, strong, and amazing mother has done everything for me.  They treat her like crap, him and his female dog of a wife. He tries to make me feel guilty about not coming to visit him and about asking him to pay for my school trips.  

This is, I realize, a very angry and vengeful poem and I hope someday I will be able to write one that is not as much so, but that day seems eons away from this one.

 

Not once did you apologize

For all those lies

The endless stream of excuses

A brilliant rage in me induces

Fake paternal love

Is the poison arrow shot

By a cruel hunter at a naive dove

Someday I will make you pay

For treating my mother and I this way

You have no right to chide me

For pointing out the truth

You are an irresponsible child

And make me look like an adult

By never doing as you should

I’d shoot your foot if I could

When I am older

I will rain down on you

A thousand legal boulders

One by one they’ll crush

Till of you there’s naught but mush

Even then I will not have my revenge

My ire will someday fully be released

And all you’ll be able to do is cringe