Fake Paternal Love

16 01 2012

– This is a poem I have been needing to write for my entire life.  It’s my first step to healing the wounds my father has inflicted upon me.  You can grasp much of the situation from my verses, but I will tell you more.  My father has never provided for me.  He does not pay child support or medical bills or anything.  My brave, strong, and amazing mother has done everything for me.  They treat her like crap, him and his female dog of a wife. He tries to make me feel guilty about not coming to visit him and about asking him to pay for my school trips.  

This is, I realize, a very angry and vengeful poem and I hope someday I will be able to write one that is not as much so, but that day seems eons away from this one.

 

Not once did you apologize

For all those lies

The endless stream of excuses

A brilliant rage in me induces

Fake paternal love

Is the poison arrow shot

By a cruel hunter at a naive dove

Someday I will make you pay

For treating my mother and I this way

You have no right to chide me

For pointing out the truth

You are an irresponsible child

And make me look like an adult

By never doing as you should

I’d shoot your foot if I could

When I am older

I will rain down on you

A thousand legal boulders

One by one they’ll crush

Till of you there’s naught but mush

Even then I will not have my revenge

My ire will someday fully be released

And all you’ll be able to do is cringe

 

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38 responses

16 01 2012
Step On a Crack

Wow! Well written and very clearly expressed Rage. The first step is in feeling free to express your anger. Words are tools for transformation;

but you already know that!

: )

Hang tight. Again, he is missing out BIG time!

XO Jen

16 01 2012
catcherofstars

Yes, yes he is.
Thanks for your support!!!
Andrea xoxoxoxoxo

16 01 2012
El Guapo

Beautiful expression.
And if your mother is the opposite of the subject, then she is a phenomenal woman, just like her daughter.

16 01 2012
catcherofstars

Thank you xoxo
I would be nothing of what I am today without her
Andrea

16 01 2012
scribblinghermit

i wish you patience..hope everything will be fine.. poetry is always an amazing tool to vent out, plus the product is raw and beautiful.

17 01 2012
catcherofstars

And timeless, I know that I am not the only one that these thoughts and emotions apply to.
Andrea

17 01 2012
Francina

Dear Andrea,
A heartfelt and touching poem. Its sad this poem had a reason to be written, but I do have an understanding how you must feel. He is the one who is missing out on time with a lovely person, YOU.

Francina

17 01 2012
catcherofstars

Thank you!! I wish there was a way to convey through words how much all of the support I get on here, but words fail.
Thank you
Andrea xoxoxoxoxo

17 01 2012
GrowthLines...

Being able to give voice to our anger opens the door for other voices, of hurt, confusion, disappointment, longing. I know your poetry will continue to help all the voices be heard.

17 01 2012
catcherofstars

Thank you, sometimes all that’s needed is to know that someone else in the world feels the way that you do.
Andrea

17 01 2012
Maiya

It’s good to vent my friend. That is why I love writing through it you can do just about anything. Like Jen said, he doesn’t know what he’s missing.

17 01 2012
catcherofstars

No, he doesn’t. But I do know what I have gained by not having him around.
Andrea xxxx

17 01 2012
reading-stars

A wish for much love and happiness in your future ❤

17 01 2012
catcherofstars

Thank you and the same to you!!
There is enough happiness in the world for everyone, I just know it!!
Andrea

17 01 2012
willowdot21

Andrea, your mother sounds like a wonderful woman, strong and as is mostly the case, it is the mother who caries the can. Though I must say in fairness that sometimes fathers do step up to the plate. But back to you this is another beautiful and strong poem I can feel your pain with you through your words. I was very lucky though, we were a working class family both my mum and dad were ever present and my father always had a job, the same one in fact! You will find that by giving your feelings a voice through your verse you will heal and grow. Floor your enemies with your words, slate your father with your words, attack his wife with your words. You may or may not discover they are not quite what they appear or they may be guilty as charged . But vent all your feelings and move on do not let their short comings hold you up or let them taint you. Be like your mum strong and good and amazing ..never bad mouth people ..bad word them in your verse it is therapeutic.
OH my sorry for the rant I am trying to say don’t let your fathers or anyone’s short comings taint or ruin your life, you are a good person and you have talent you are better than that, rise above your feelings that way your soul will grow. You have a wonderful talent use it for good. willow xx

17 01 2012
catcherofstars

I love rants. Thank you, your encouragement has always kept me going, thank you.
Andrea xoxoxoxoxoxoxo
Have an inspiring day!!

17 01 2012
Francina

Hi Andrea,

I have nominated you for the One lovely Blog Award!
Please go to the link to claim the award.

http://seasonspoetry.com/2012/01/17/one-lovely-blog-award/

Francina

17 01 2012
catcherofstars

Awww thank you so much!!! You are so very sweet!!!
Andrea

17 01 2012
kate58

It’s HIS loss, lovely. Just you & your mom lead happy & successful lives – THAT’S the best revenge. xx

17 01 2012
catcherofstars

We try our best.
Most days we do not think about him, but he is still there.
Andrea
ps, thanks for the support xoxoxoxoxo

17 01 2012
Vampire Weather

The evil we perceive is often ripples of the pain
Buried deep inside some other human being without strength
To defeat the little demons these afflictions have induced
And their shadows manifest into the figures of abuse

I understand this so well, Andrea. My heart goes out to you. Remember that the anger and vengeance you feel will burn inside you until it is quenched, and that cure is not something even the guilty can provide. It is only you who can allow the wounds to heal. Such beautiful pain in these words. Thank you for sharing

17 01 2012
catcherofstars

Thank you, I need to learn to stop feeding the fire. It is burning to many chambers of my heart to ash
Andrea xoxoxo

17 01 2012
Vampire Weather

I am a forgiving person by nature, but this last year tested my powers. There is a deep disdain for those who take from us things we hold dear, whether they hurt people we love or steal our self-esteem or something else. I think the most empowering realization you can come to is the understanding of true justice–divine perhaps–and that is forgiveness. Forgiveness truly is the greatest revenge, although I do not advocate it for that reason. Forgiveness releases you of the obligation of righting that wrong, collecting that debt or revenging that crime. Forgiveness removes the burden of those atrocities, in some ways, from your shoulders and leaves it upon that person. Bitterness almost always is far more hurtful to the one holding it than to the one it is directed at. It is not a simple course to take, but when you resolve in your heart that the person now owes you nothing, and you expect nothing in return, you are free. You no longer need to lament the unpaid debt of whatever (love, affection, attention…) but you have wiped the slate clean. I do not necessarily suggest the “forgive and forget” notion, as I see there being good reasons to remember, but remember carefully. Of course, if the problem is ongoing, then those debts will build up again eventually, but there is no point holding out a debt against a person who either cannot or does not know how to repay it. You ability to choose your reactions and your expectations is a great gift. The understanding that you cannot choose anyone else’s is a great addition to that gift 😉

17 01 2012
catcherofstars

Wow, thank you. A very insightful look into the truths and merits of forgiveness. I don’t think I will ever forgive, the most I can give is pity. Pity because he lacks the motivation for self-betterment. Pity because he digs a deep hole. And pity because he will never learn.
It is very strange for me not to forgive, sometimes I feel like I am so good at understanding the motivations of others that I cannot help it. On the other hand, I see myself so well that I will spend long nights pondering why I act the way I do, it’s like I’m always calculating the actions I take and what their consequences will be.
The curse of the introspective.
Andrea

17 01 2012
Vampire Weather

You do not strike me as the kind of person to limit yourself to something you will never do. I think you are imaginative enough to allow the possibilities of what now seems unlikely. I believe in you 🙂

17 01 2012
catcherofstars

Unseen friend
United by words
Connected by a common verse
Poets support each other
For better or worse
🙂
Andrea

18 01 2012
onwindydays

Tragic…and I know exactly how that feels. My dad was the same. Just up and left one day to follow somebody else that ended up cheating on him. Totally out of my life, and he’s making money too because of his job now but he doesn’t even want to help me with college expenses, not even for just the books. I could care less where he’s ended up especially with all of the pain he’s brought my mom. Bringing her into a country that is alien to her and just leaving her. My mom is my superhero. God bless your mother for being strong and raising a person of your stature.

18 01 2012
catcherofstars

Mom’s are the original superheroes, and your mother did a fantastic job with you as well 🙂
He doesn’t know what he’s missing. But you and I are stronger because of it, eh?
Andrea xx

18 01 2012
onwindydays

Well thank you 🙂 And absolutely. You just have to look at the positives right?

19 01 2012
catcherofstars

Always!!!!
Stay strong and carry on!!!
Andrea

18 01 2012
aussieian2011

Not the first writing that I have read in this vein
and wont be the last , the torments of childhood create may scars
The wounds may heal but the scars remain
I wish you much love in life my friend
Ian

18 01 2012
catcherofstars

Thank you 🙂
We love and live and learn
Hopes for a happy day for you!!
Andrea xx

18 01 2012
bipolarmuse

Brutal with truth, a very healing road.
Thank you for sharing this personal piece of yourself.

18 01 2012
catcherofstars

Verse helps me tell of myself when words and prose fail me
Thanks for visiting my neck of the woods 🙂
Andrea

19 01 2012
MikeP

Very well put and probably very cathartic as well. I can only hope he and you come full circle. If not he is truly at a loss.

19 01 2012
catcherofstars

Thank you 🙂
Hoping life is bringing many smiles!!
Andrea

20 01 2012
bardessdmdenton

Your best revenge, I think, Andrea, is for you to make the most of your talents and indomitably enlightened spirit…and go forth as though nothing can stop you being all you are meant to be.

Please don’t self-destruct. Light your fires for how they can warm and illuminate!

23 01 2012
catcherofstars

I think I am stronger than that, but Rome too fell…..
I try to to raise myself above his petty tricks, and most days it works
It is more the lack of justice and the ineffectiveness of the legal system that anger me
Andrea

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